Adobe Acrobat

After paying $299 for an Adobe Acrobat license, I found out that there is no way to download the software from their website. I have to pay $20 for them to send me a CD installer. Even though on their website they have the product displayed with a download button. The "Standard" download button only downloads the "Pro" version, which won't accept a "Standard" license key!

Zippity Do Da

One of the dumbest email security measures that has become common practice is the attachment rename. This example illustrates a common policy I've seen implemented by many organizations:

"Large files need to be compressed using the utility called WinZip. Due to the large number of infected messages with ZIP attachments, all ZIP attachments will be blocked by our mail server. You need to rename the file extension for all your submissions so the files will get through our mail server. You also need to provide instructions on how to convert your modified file extensions back to their original format in the same message"

This is pure madness. If a file is infected, renaming it won't change that. The bigger issue is email clients that auto-execute attachments or stupid users who execute any attachment they receive. I suspect most people who will run any attachment they receive will also figure out how to rename a file and run it. Oh yeah, evil virus people, perhaps you should start naming your virus keylogger.piz.

Hey, here's another idea, why not have your email server automatically rename the the file extensions instead of blocking the emails? This is much easier than trying to explain to everyone inside and OUTSIDE your organization your forbidden extension list.

Dr. Evil says: Zip It!

Arm and Hammer Baking Soda - Packaging Games

I can see it now. The VP of package design for Arm & Hammer is called into a board meeting.

"Listen, sales are stagnant. People are buying our product once a year and sticking it in their refrigerator. We need you to re-design the package to increase sales by 700%."

[One Month Later]

Notice the 2 changes that add up to the 700% increase. And I love the adorable "Replace Box on" area. Maybe they can just take my credit card number and ship me 2 boxes every 3 months?

[One Year Later]

"Ok, our sales have increased to 8 times what they were a year ago. Great job. Now we need you to re-design the package again to increase sales another 200%"

School Safety

It is a complete outrage that my son needs to butter his bagel with a POPSICLE STICK because he is not allowed to bring a plastic knife to school.

Did I miss the incident where some disgruntled students massacred their fellow classmates with plastic knives? Has there been an uptick in students losing fingers in plastic knife accidents? And do you really care about safety? If my kid gets a splinter from the popsicle stick, I am coming after you, Mr. School Safety Zealot.

I think we need to stab the administrators who came up with this safety policy. As soon as we are able to locate an appropriate implement to do so.

Pro Flowers

I placed an order with Pro Flowers in April 2009. This is the first and only time I ordered anything from them. Of course, I gave them one of my junk e-mail addresses, in case they were planning to sell it to a marketing firm.

Over the next 53 days, I received 25 spam e-mails from Pro Flowers. Since then, I have continued to receive 1-2 spam e-mails per week from them. Are there really people who randomly order flowers after getting an e-mail about a special offer? I think it's pathetic that companies treat their paying customers like this, penalizing them week after week for placing an order by sending spam. Suppose I order 1 product per month from different companies. If they all were to send spam at the rate of Pro Flowers, by the end of the year I will be getting 24 spam e-mails every week.

I am dreading the thought of what horrors await my Inbox the week before Valentines Day.

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Update: Below are the names of other companies who send me lots of special e-mail offers because I made a purchase:

- Specialty Pool Products