Spilled Milk

The other day I discovered a gallon of milk in my refrigerator in a funky package, different than what we usually get from the grocery store. I was pleased to see that I was about to experience the latest in milk storage technology. It was Kirkland Farms milk from Costco. Given that they now have syrup bottles that somehow do not get covered in sticky syrup, I was giddy with anticipation to experience this new milk distribution unit.


Now, the one thing about choosing milk is that milk is milk. It all tastes pretty much the same. In a way, it's like when you choose where to get gasoline. As long as the gas doesn't spill all over the side of my car and my shoes, I am happy with the gas.

So here are my three requirements for milk:
1. It does not give me mad cow disease
2. I can quickly open the safety seal without special tools
3. I can pour it without it dripping all over the container and counter.

Here is my report card for Kirkland Farms gallon milk from Costco:
No Mad Cow: A
Safety Seal: D-
No Drips: F

The safety seal on this container has the approximate removal time of the plastic wrapper on a CD (yes, including that sticker on the edge). Note, this time can be reduced if you have handy an eyeglass repair kit and some whittling tools.

It is somehow impossible to dispense milk from this container without having milk go down the side and drip on the counter. The one exception might be if you were pouring the entire contents of the container into a very large pot. This might be a good idea anyhow - then just store the pot in the refrigerator and toss the milk container in the trash. When the milk in the pot goes sour, now you can go buy a gallon of milk from another store.

Note to milk distributors - please discontinue the use of this container immediately, or I will have to start sending people to this site.

This really bovines my spongiform encephalopathy!

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Update
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I received a nice e-mail (below) from Costco customer service.


I guess it is pretty cool that the cartons are stackable. If you don't mind drips, and want something you can stack, then I heartily endorse Kirkland Farms milk from Costco.