Philly Pretzel Factory Fail

Dear Philly Pretzel Factory,

Counting 1/2 pretzel as one serving is bullshit.  Man-up and increase the serving size to one pretzel.

Margin of Safety

I love the following Q&A that I found on a FAQ page for a vendor of homeopathic potions.

Question
My child just ate an entire bottle of tablets, what do I do?

Answer
Do not panic. Homeopathic medicines are very safe, non-toxic, and have a very large margin of safety. It is unlikely your child could overdose on any homeopathic medicine. You can call our 24 hour emergency number at 800/624-9659 (after business hours, it is a recording - just follow the directions), and a pharmacist or registered nurse will return your call promptly. Our products are also listed with Regional Poison Control Centers. Most are well informed on the margin of safety of homeopathic medicines if you have one to call in your area.


Here is the translation of a few sections of the above:

"non-toxic" - have no active ingredient whatsoever

"very large margin of safety" - these medicines contain absolutely nothing, and have the same safety margin as drinking water

"Regional Poison Control Centers are well informed on the margin of safety of homeopathic medicines if you have one to call in your area" - if you call them, they will tell you to do nothing and after hanging up the phone will have a hearty laugh

"It is unlikely your child could overdose on any homeopathic medicine" - Go ahead and have your child take the rest of the pills in the bottle. Then go to the store and purchase another bottle at your earliest opportunity.

ALERT

Some people claim that there is no place to get hard-hitting journalism anymore. That everything is just puff pieces and advertisements disguised as news.

Well wait no more!

As you can see in the above "ALERT" from the no-nonsense Ashburn Patch site, we offer the following breaking news: "Where to Pick Your Own Strawberries".

Sigh. I guess the term ALERT doesn't mean quite what it used to.