Infinite Loop at the Gym

Thank goodness I bring my own music to the gym, because the music they play has the following play list...

1. Blurred Lines (Robin Thicke)
2. Brave (Sara Bareilles)
3. Safe and Sound (Capital Cities)
4. Titanium (David Guetta)
5. repeat...

Groupon Marketing Gimmicks

It's pretty interesting to see all of the Marketing 101 gimmicks that are pulled by a typical Groupon.  The above item is a classic example:

1. Herd Mentality - "Over 640 Bought" - Everyone wants to do what the group is doing
2. Bait and Switch - "From $19" - When you click the arrow, you get to see what the real price will be
3. Anchoring - "Value $64.95" - Does I really typically pay $65 for an oil change?
4. False Savings - "Discount 71%" - What you are saving is irrelevant.  The important result is that you end up spending about the same as what one would typically spend on an oil change.
5. "Limited Time, Act Now" - All of these deals either imply or actually have a limited time to make a snap decision
6. "Limited Quantity" - Yep, nothing like combining the Limited Time and Limited Quantity pitch in the same offer

I admit, I've actually bought crappy items or services from Groupon where I really thought I was getting a huge savings, but then found out later I was paying a pretty typical price for what turned out to be inferior items or services.

Maybe people realizing this would be why Groupon stock has lost over half its value since its debut.

ADT Security System

I love this coupon we got in the mail from ADT for a "FREE 16-PIECE Home Security System":

If you look at the photo, you will quickly observe:

• The first 7 "pieces" of the 16-PIECE system (44%) are a yard sign and 6 stickers
• The "FREE" system costs only a $99 installation charge, plus "purchase of monthly alarm services"

That deal really sets off my alarms.

Window Ads

On rare occasion, I am taking a short trip so I decide to listen to the radio, instead of a podcast.  No matter what station I listen to, the one thing I know for sure is that there will be ads for window companies.  These commercials are always insufferable:

1. They always have some phone number that they repeat 7 or 8 times at the end of the ad.  Does anyone actually remember these numbers?  They should just say the name of the company 8 times so people can search for it on Google.

2. The special offers are ridiculous.  I swear I actually heard this one yesterday: "Some window companies have lousy specials that are only 10% or 20% off.  But for a limited time we are offering 40% OFF!!  That's right, buy one window and get the second one for 40% off."

Sigh...

Nationals "Run The Bases"

We took the kids to a Washington Nationals baseball game on Sunday 4/28/13.  They were offering a special "Run The Bases" promotion, where kids would get to run once around the bases on the field after the conclusion of the game.

It started lightly drizzling in the 6th inning, and within a few minutes they flashed a big note across the scoreboard: "Due to the hazardous conditions, the Run The Bases event has been cancelled."

This is an outrage.  First of all, it has nothing to do with the hazardous conditions.  They just don't want there to be any damage to the field.  If they really think the running could somehow damage the field (?), then they should just come out and say that is the reason.  Second, there is nothing more hazardous about slightly moist dirt than dry dirt.  If anything, the dry dirt would be more slippery and more likely to cause a scrape than the moist dirt.  Did someone run a study comparing injuries resulting from different field conditions?

Regardless, I see no reason that a child's parents can't assess the field condition and make a reasonable decision about whether it is hazardous.  There is a calculation that needs to be done, for any activity, as to whether the value gained from the activity outweighs the potential risk, given the probability of that risk.  The Nationals decided to go ahead and make that decision for everyone.  No worry for them - they already sold the tickets and don't need to issue and refunds, so why bother?

Maybe they should just put up a message during every kids event: "Due to potential terrorist activity, for your safety today's kids event has been cancelled"

This whole episode is just bad PR for the Nationals for no good reason.

Southwest Stupidity

I find the latest trend of vendors demanding your email address to be real annoying.

Recently, while on the way to the airport, I needed to add a car rental to my travel arrangements with Southwest Airlines.  The agent would not make the rental arrangement without me giving an email address.  It did not matter that I had no interest in giving my email address.  I would not be reading my email until well after I had rented the car.  I gave them a cell phone# to reach me at, since that would be the only way to contact me until I arrived at my destination to rent the car.

How did rental car companies manage to rent cars before people had email?

If you disagree with me, you can contact me the same way Southwest can, at kissmyass@gmail.com.



Note:  I do not actually have the email address kissmyass@gmail, somebody beat me to it.

Gift Card Mall

I received a $100 VISA gift card for Christmas from a relative.  They got the gift card from something called "Gift Card Mall".  When I went to register the card, I realized that it is a scam designed so that only a fraction of the recipients can actually register the card and spend their money.

I went to the website to register the card.  (There is no phone number, so I guess if you don't have internet access you are already a loser in the GiftCardMall competition).  Here is the registration page:

Note that I need to enter the card number, "Activation Code", and CAPTCHA security code.  When I clicked on "where can I find this?" for the "Activation Code", it said I had to get it from the letter that came with the card.  You know, that letter that you toss in the trash when you get a card?  So anyone who discarded this letter is now another loser in the GiftCardMall competition.

Fortunately, after a 10 minute search I was able to fish the letter out of my recycle bin.  Sure enough, I look at the letter and it says "Activation Code: Mailed To Purchaser".  Twenty minutes in, still no Activation Code.

So now I need to call the person who sent me the gift card and ask them if they happened to save the letter they received (probably weeks or months ago) with the magical "Activation Code".

I'll bet about 40% of the people who get these cards never end up using them.

By the way, even if I somehow get the Activation Code, there is more work in my future.  Here is another gem in small print at the bottom of the activation page, that I haven't even started to deal with yet:

For Visa Gift Card recipients:
We also recommend that you register your Visa Gift Card to take advantage of special offers.
Registering your card will allow you to make online purchases or will assist you if your card is ever
lost or stolen. 

Registering your Visa Gift Card: 

•   . If your Visa card number begins with 441669, go to www.GiftCardMall.com/visagift.
•   . If your Visa card number begins with 403446 or 435880, go to www.GiftCardMall.com/mygift.

Just Over an Hour

I went to the website for the upcoming "Pickin in the Panhandle" BBQ event.  Once I turned off my speaker to stop the loud banjo music, I was pleasantly surprised to see that this event was located "just over an hour from Washington, DC and Baltimore, MD":

Let's take a closer look.  Here are the directions from Washington, DC.  Note that the fastest route is over 2 hours!

Here are the directions from Baltimore, MD  Note that the fastest route is again about 2 hours.

This is not even counting the likely traffic for all of the people traveling to this small town.  These people have no respect for my time.  I grade this marketing three smelly pigs bottoms.

For the Children

Lately it seems that anything can be done for the protection of children.

Case in point #1.  Our Elementary school newsletter never lists the last names of students.  So you get a ridiculous article like this: "The following students have been selected as Student of the Month for September: John B., Ashley G., and Joseph S."  Seriously, why bother?  I have no idea who these people are.  Are we really protecting them by not listing last names?  Are there a bunch of pedophiles who have a directory of last names and addresses, and are waiting for the school newsletter to come out each month?  I really feel sorry for these poor kids.

Ok, item #2 is the following article I recently saw on a local website:

So it is suspicious now to watch children at play?  What ever happened to the old guy at the park feeding the pigeons?  I hope when I get old, they do not have laws about watching children play, or taking pictures of random people on the street.  All I can say is, if Norman Rockwell were alive today he would be serving consecutive life sentences for observing youth.

Ready4Repair

A few years ago, we ordered a Groupon for a maid service.  We made an appointment and waited for them to show up.  Except they never did.  We finally got a hold of them and they said they didn't have the staff to cover their appointments (?) and we got a refund.

Forgetting about the above experience, a few months ago I decided to purchase a Specialicious offer for a garage door tune-up.  I called the guy (Ready4Repair  703-585-0422  www.ready4repair.com) and made an appointment for July 30.  The guy never showed up.  Calls went directly to voice mail.  E-mail was not answered.  Finally, he called back and we re-scheduled for August 2.  Guy never showed up again.  Calls went directly to voice mail.  E-mail was not answered.  Finally, he called back and we re-scheduled for August 3.  First thing in the morning, so there could be no issues that crop up.  Guy never showed up again (third time).  Calls went directly to voice mail.  E-mail was not answered.

Refund from Specialicious requested.

Moral of story - never order something from any of these coupon sites unless it is a company that you are personally familiar with

XBOX for the Mathematically Illiterate

Microsoft recently announced a new "subsidized" plan to sell the 4 GB Xbox 360 model with a Kinect sensor for $99 and a required 2-year subscription to Xbox Live for $15/month, which cunningly comes out to $360 in subscription fees.

Total cost for the "subsidized" system + 2 year subscription:  $459.

The big catch here is that you can get the same system for ~$290 and an Xbox Live subscription for ~$50/year.

Total cost of non-subsidized system: $390.

I'd go with the $70 cheaper non-subsidized system.


  

Rave: Lupine Dog Collars

I recent purchased a dog collar from Lupine at Webers Pet Supermarket.  I was impressed with Lupine right away because I had been searching for a while for a good Martingale style collar.  This was the first one I found that I liked.  Lupine advertises that their collars are completely guaranteed, even if chewed.  After a few weeks, my dog decided to "snack" on the collar.  I dropped the chewed remains into an envelope, mailed it to Lupine and had a replacement within a couple of weeks.  Lupine Rocks!

Security Questions

The security questions are getting more ridiculous every time I sign up at a new banking website. Here are the latest questions I had to answer:

Observe that I had to select and answer three questions, one from each list. Note the error message that said I must select one question from every list. The EASIEST questions I could find were:

• Who was your favorite childhood friend?
• What was you childhood phone number?
• Where were you New Years 2000?

Even if I could remember where I was on New Years 2000 (I can't), how would I possibly describe it using exactly the same phrase multiple times?

And look at the other choices for that third question:

• Name of your least favorite teacher
• Nickname you gave your favorite grandparent
• Where do you want to retire?
• What is your dream car?
• If you won a million dollars, what is the most expensive purchase you would make?
• What is the name of your most memorable stuffed animal?

If this wasn't on a banking site, I would think it was some sort of cruel joke.

Costco's Flexible Pricing

The two images below show Costco's two different prices for the same product on the same day.  Sure, the packaging looks different, but after careful inspection of the ingredients, quantity, etc., it's the same product.  Of course, shortly after these pictures were taken, the $8.99 packaged version was discontinued.

I want to skewer the person who came up with this pricing trick!

BooksFree

I saw a car at a stoplight today. It was one of those cars with a website painted on the side. Presumably the guy driving the car runs the site. Anyhow, the site was BooksFree.com.

I like free books as much as the next guy, so when I got home I went right to the website for some free books. Here are the options I was offered:

So it is basically the same as Netflix, but for books instead of movies. What the hell? The cheapest option I could find anywhere on the site is $15 per month. Then it ranges all the way up to $71 per month for 6 audiobooks at a time. (Who listens to 6 audiobooks at a time? Are they really expecting that I'll find 5 friends to go in on this proposition with me?)

Bottom line -- If you're the one guy who still thinks that mailing books and CDs around is a good business model, knock yourself out. But please show us both a little respect and don't call it "BooksFree".

5-Minute Survey

These companies are always looking for a new angle to guilt me into taking their surveys. Here is a new one I received today from HP:

To summarize, if I don't take the survey, I am taking $5 away from the International Red Cross.

This reminds me of the ones at the grocery store cash register, where the guy asks me right before I pay if I want to donate $1 to benefit research on child birth defects. He waits there until I say "No", in front of all of my disappointed friends and neighbors behind me in line. I haven't done it yet, but I am always tempted to go ahead and say out loud what is obviously already implied: "I have absolutely no compassion for kids with birth defects".

Freedom to Be Swindled

I was fed up with my Citibank card for forcing me to change my credit card number after one of their security breaches. So I looked around for the best offer on switching to a different card.

I signed up for the Chase Freedom credit card. It offered 1% cash back on all purchases, plus 5% cash back on gas, travel, and a few other categories. I had a 2,000+ mile driving trip coming up, so with the high cost of gas the 5% back really sounded like a great offer.

About 2 months after using the new card for all of my purchases, I get the following e-mail from them:

So you have to "activate" the 5% cash back option. What the hell? Why would they not just automatically activate everyone? This is just a scam to take back the 5% bonus from anyone who doesn't figure out that you need to click to activate. I'm glad I somehow didn't delete this spam-looking message, or who knows how long it would have taken me to figure out I was being swindled.

When I went to fill out the form to "activate" my 5% cash back, I clicked on the "why is this necessary" link next to the Email address box:

It says "We need to know who you are in order to make sure you receive your bonus". What a loap of crap.

Evil Marketing Trick #348: Bundling

One of the biggest difficulties for evil marketing is how to sell more product when the market is saturated.  If people are buying all of a product they need, how do you convince them to buy more?  Bundling is a well known strategy to push more product than people need.  I recently saw a bundle of watch batteries, a 2 pack for $6, which was a good deal over 1 for $4.  The problem is, I only have one watch that needed a battery.   Yes, some people will benefit from a 2 pack, so maybe the extra consumption isn't double, but even if 20% of the additional batteries are ones that would never have been purchased, that is still a 20% increase in sales for the vendor.

When you can combine bundling with fear-mongering, you  get something like this:

You've Got Lycos?

When you sign up for a "free" web account, do you have an exit strategy?

While searching through old internet account notes, I noticed that I once had a Lycos email account.  I was curious, so I went to the Lycos website and managed to login to my old account, which I had assumed was long gone.  After searching everywhere for a "close account" option, I found that they do not have one.  Folks, you should be very concerned about any web service that doesn't allow you to terminate your account.  They had no further information on their website, so I had to search the web to find out how to delete my account.  The best I could find was some statement that said accounts would auto-delete after 30 or perhaps 90 days of inactivity.  Since I am sure I haven't logged in for years, I am pretty sure that this is a bold faced lie.

Lycos is also tied to Gamesville, which has a cancellation policy... by FAX!  Seriously?

Please submit a request to close your Gamesville / Lycos Network account to Gamesville Customer Service, by sending a fax to 781-370-2990.

Windows Bifurcation?

There is no possible way that you will get this window to close without restarting Internet Explorer. Don't even think about just trying to cancel the restart.

No Returns

It always seems that whenever I have a simple unopened-box-with-receipt store return I get stuck behind somebody who has a return more complicated than the federal tax law. Recently at Target I got stuck behind a woman returning 20 jars of baby food. I overheard her explain that she no longer had the credit card she purchased the items with (WTF?), complicating the transaction. The clerk had to scan each and every jar, and I swear he did it at least three times. Of course there was a long wait for the manager to come over as well.

That really makes my lunch want to return from my gut.

Vonage Marketing Bullshit

Below is the email I got from Vonage notifying me of a rate increase. You can't immediately see the rate increase because it is hidden by only posting the new rate of $19.99/mo. It was previously $17.99/mo. I had to look that up because I had no idea what my original rate was. The reason I didn't know was because I was more familiar with $26, which is the actual amount I pay after all the surcharges.

Hey Vonage, it's OK to sugar coat price hikes by announcing new features (additional minutes and message transcriptions), but just be upfront about the costs. Treat your customers with more respect.

Still, this is slightly better than what they did the last time they hiked rates.

-----------------------------------
Dear Customer, Modifications to your Vonage calling plan will appear on the first billing statement posted to your account on or after July 5, 2011.

Your plan will continue to provide a great value for home phone service, including an increase in outbound minutes to 750 from 500. Your account will reflect this change at $19.99/mo plus taxes and fees.

In addition to 50% more minutes for calls in the U.S., Canada and Puerto Rico, your plan still provides the benefits you've come to expect: Unlimited incoming phone calls AND Vonage-to-Vonage calls. The same great low international rates on calls around the world. Messages transcribed into convenient texts and emails delivered by Vonage Visual Voicemail®. Unlimited 411, plus all of the other included features you've come to enjoy. Thank you for being a valued Vonage customer.

Microsoft Office "Save As" Annoyance

Dear Microsoft,

OK, we already complained about your save-as feature once, but your newer feature is even more annyoing. When a user wants to save an Office document that is marked read-only, you came up with the moronic idea of appending "Copy of" to the front of the file name in the save-as dialog box. Why on Earth would you do that? Don't you realize that this totally screws up the file location as displayed in the directory, which is usually sorted by filename? Don't you realize that the user will append the filename as necessary and gets REALLY annoyed when they forget to delete the "Copy of" append. Please, PLEASE, tell us that there is an option to turn this off! We'd even settle for a registry hack.

You got it right in Windows, where duplicates have a number appended to the end of the file name. Please move some of your Windows developers over to the Office department.

So Hard To Say Goodbye

Everyone knows that companies hate to see you go. There is a special place in hell for the series of operators I had to fight through when I cancelled my AOL subscription back in 1997. So I am not surprised when I try to cancel something, and I am confronted with hurdles.

I recently encountered two interesting approaches on this theme with a program called Xobni. Xobni (inbox spelled backwards, by the way) is a tool I never even asked for, and was installed automatically when I installed another program called Digsby. Last week I got tired of Xobni running in the background and decided to remove it, like I should have done a long time ago.

Of course, there was no uninstaller in the Start menu, so I had to go to Add/Remove programs. Rather than just removing the program, I was first forced to reckon with this series of alternatives:

Arrrrrgh! Fancy choices! Buttons! Precious seconds of thinking! Maybe I should just wait until some other time. No, I made it this far, I must press on. Click "Uninstall Xobni".

Then they hit me with a new low - launching the sad dog web page:

I don't know what happened to that dog, but I'm pretty sure it was because I just uninstalled that program.

Stop the Registry Madness

Dear Microsoft,

Why is it that any time I want to change one of Windows annoyances, I find the only option is to edit the registry? Did it ever occur to you that some people can identify a shortcut by the little arrow in the icon, and they don't need the word "shortcut" appended to the icon name?

You know those commercials you keep running, "Windows 7 was MY idea..."? Did you actually consult any real users or perform any focus group research? I'd like to see you find one person that says they enjoy editing the registry to get Windows to behave the way they want.

Regards,
a slightly more dissapointed user