Install This! Download That!

I really hate when you download an application installer from a web page only to find that it doesn't actually contain the installer, but rather another setup program that then downloads more crap before installing. Try installing Google Earth or most Microsoft apps if you don't know what I mean.

If you put a button on your web page called "Click to Download Installer", the downloaded file should damn well install the application without any further access to the network.

Lost Dog Rant/Rave

I recently received a robocall for a lost dog (Mango) in my neighborhood. A company called FindToto will send out robocalls with a description of your pet and your contact info. The website given on the phone is findtoto.org, even though it redirects to findtoto.com. I am guessing they use the .org address because it makes them sound more like a non-profit and less like a commercial business.

You can decide how much you love your pet by choosing one of the following calling options:

• Alert Package A - 500 calls - $95
• Alert Package B - 1,000 calls - $175
• Alert Package D - 1,500 calls - $225
• up to...
• Alert Package F - 10,000 calls - $875

The website claims the owner was inspired to create the service after their cat, Cutie McPretty, ran away. I'm betting that Cutie intentionally ran under a car to end the misery of having that name.

The worst part is, this service is exempt from the do-not-call registry. Ironically, they are not providing YOU a service when they call you. You are actually the product they are selling. In some sense, this is worse than a telemarketer robocall.

I feel bad for my neighbor who lost the dog, really I do. But robocalls are evil, no matter the cause. Pretty soon, we will all be receiving a few robocalls a day for lost pets, lost trash cans, "hey, can you bring in my mail while I'm on vacation", "do you have a power drill I can borrow", or "please close the shades when walking around naked".

Please, don't use this service. Put up some signs instead. I am offering a new counter-service. For only $5, I will call your neighbor back and tell them off for using robocalls.

Good news, at least, Mango was found.

Scott's WaterSmart Grass Seed

On TV yesterday, I saw this commercial for Scott's new WaterSmart grass seed.  In case you have not seen the commercial, it chronicles the tragedy of 3 homeowners who cannot successfully grow grass because they plant seed and then keep forgetting to water it.

Apparently, society's solution to this problem is to pull some of our top research scientists from the fields of biofuel, ethanol, and bioengineering.  We then re-focus them on developing a grass seed with a special coating so it can grow anywhere, even on the lawns of morons.

Hooray for capitalism!

Radio Shack Employees - The Young and the Restless

I was a few minutes early for lunch, so I stopped in Radio Shack to look for a particular type of headphones.

The young employee greeted me and showed me about 6 models of headphones with varying prices and features.  As I asked him a few questions about the headphones, I couldn't help noticing that he was somehow distracted.  Twice I had to repeat my question.  It was then that I realized that he was watching "Days of Our Lives", which was playing on the large plasma TV.  At one point, he looked annoyed that I asked a question while one of the characters was talking.  This was the final cue that it was time for me to leave Radio Shack.

eMusic eSucks

Having not learned my lesson from the great Pop Tart debacle of 2006, I decided to sign up for the eMusic "25 Free Downloads" offer.  There's an Amy Winehouse album that I've been waiting 18 months for on Lala, so I figured it's worth a shot.

Here are the parts of the dreadful experience that I can remember:

1. Click to sign up for 25 free downloads

2. Fill out a form with all of my personal information

3. Give them my credit card number, codes, etc.

4. Download the eMusic Download Manager.  I eventually came to discover that this is a 4 MB program that apparently contains nothing more than a single link to open emusic.com in a browser.  Two things you cannot do in this tool are Download or Manage.

5. Browse for music on eMusic website.  "Amy Winehouse".  

"We’re sorry but in order to keep eMusic download prices at less than half of iTunes and Amazon we currently do not have albums by Amy Winehouse.  However if you like Amy Winehouse, we think you'll be interested in Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings or James Brown:"

6. Ok, browse for something they actually have.  Allison Crowe, fine.

7. Download album

8. The program downloads a 12 KB file called 11006804.emp with no instructions, anywhere.  I am not making this up.  WTF?  

9. Go to website to research what an emp file is, and how to get MP3s.  All of the marketing pages on the eMusic site talk about MP3s.  All of the help pages on the site talk about emp files.  I have no idea how to get MP3s for the songs that I have purchased.

10. Finally found a FAQ that said I should associate my emp files in Windows Explorer with the Download Manager application.  I did this.  It does absolutely nothing.  The Download Manager still refuses to do anything besides offer a link to go to emusic.com.

11.  Cancel service to avoid $11.99 monthly charge which will automatically start after 7 days.

12. Uninstall eMusic

13. Delete 2 eMusic icons from Desktop

14. Delete eMusic toolbar that was added to Firefox without my permission

15. Delete eMusic Download Manager from Windows Shortcut bar

16. Go to Besy Buy and purchase Amy Winehouse CD

Excalibur Kingmaster Electronic Chess Game

The Excalibur Kingmaster is an electronic chess game.  You can play chess or checkers against the computer.  My kids have been playing with this game, since they are learning how to play chess.

There is something deplorable about the design of this game.  It has 73 skill levels.  Each increase in level makes the game harder to beat, because the computer thinks for a longer period of time as you move up to each higher level.  The problem is that the game is way too difficult on level 1.  My kids are just learning chess, and there is no earthly way they could beat it on level 1.  I am a highly skilled player, and had a reasonably difficult time beating it on level 3.

This is terrible design.  I bet 99% of the players who use this device never go above level 10.  The other 63 levels are a waste.  My kids are frustrated that they can never win.  The developers of this game should have spent more time programming the lower levels, such as 1-20, to be easier to beat.  Even on level 1, the computer thinks for 1-2 seconds for each move.  Why not limit it to 1/2 second or 1/10 of a second?  Also, why not introduce some randomization elements on the lowest levels that allow the computer to occasionally make a weaker move?

Imagine going to the eye doctor, and finding that every line of the eye chart is written in letters too small to see with a telescope.  That is essentially the design of this game.

The Evil Thieves of Subway Marketing

I think most people are familiar by now with the Subway "5 Dollar Foot-Long" campaign.  It has that annoying jingle that you will now be humming for the rest of the day (sorry).  The only problem with the offer is that it only applied to 5 or 6 of their less popular subs.

So I was excited to see the new limited-time offer of "5 Dollar ANY Foot-Long".  Here is the logo you see on TV and when you walk in the restaurant:

I went to Subway and ordered the Philly Steak and Cheese sub.  I was ready with my $5.25 when I arrived at the cashier.  It was then that she informed me that I owed exactly $8.49 for my $5 foot-long.  I pointed out the numerous signs in the store that said ANY foot-long sub for $5.  She said that the offer is "any sub except Philly Steak and Cheese".  Funny, I don't remember hearing that stipulation in the cute little jingle.

I'm sure there's some technicality that makes this advertising "legal", because they hid the word "regular" in the ad.  But clearly this marketing campaign is deceptive and morally wrong.  Therefore, to anyone reading this who believes in moral equivalence, I encourage you to take $3 worth of napkins the next time you go to Subway.  You might need them after you look at your receipt and throw up.

Hey Subway, I have a deal for you.  When I get to the cash register, I will give you ANY of the following bills ($10 bill excluded):

Two New Things to Hate about Vonage

Vonage recently increased my monthly VOIP phone service rate by 20%. In today's highly competitive phone service provider market, raising your rate by a ridiculously steep amount without providing any service enhancement whatsoever is not a good idea.

And, sticking with the two-per-post theme, why is it every time you install a new application on your computer, and it spews out spam icons on your desktop, one of them is always for Vonage?

That makes me 20% more outraged than usual.

Can You Hear Me Now, Bastards?

It is reported that mobile phone vendors have agreed to a universal power socket by 2012. All I can say is that it's about fraking time. There is absolutely no good reason to have non-standardized interfaces on such common devices. While they're at it, let's standardize the data port and handset interfaces as well (the article goes on to say this might happen too...someday).


That really gets me charged up.

Corner Roller

We were painting our basement stairs and needed a way to paint the corners that were too high up to reach with a paintbrush.  After breaking a rib using the Turtle Stool (topic for another day), we were seeking a solution that did not require ladders.

We were pleased to find the "Corner Roller" at Home Depot.  It screws into the end of a standard telescoping handle, so it appeared to be just what we needed:

There is only one problem with the Corner Roller - it does not paint corners.  The spongy material is too soft and it never gets all the way in to the corner, no matter what angle you try or how you push it.

Here is  a truly ironic picture of what the edges of our walls look like AFTER painting them with the corner roller:

I would like to invite the purchasers who work in the Home Depot painting division to come over my house and try to paint any corner with this thing.

Rave: Ask A Ninja

When I was kid, I dreamed of being a ninja. It was a vocational interest that many young boys have had. I practiced stealthiness, trained at throwing stars (shuriken) and read many books on the practical aspects of being an elite assassin. Alas, as an adult I gave up on my childhood dream and settled for a desk job.

My hat is off to the guys at Ask a Ninja. They figured out a way to make a living as a Ninja. The Ask a Ninja videos are some of the funniest clips I've ever seen. Their answer to the question "Why Ninja's, Why Now?" summarizes it all.. "because ninjas are cool."

"I look forward to killing you soon."

Pepsi Heartburn

# of Pepsi "the Cube" packs purchased: ~8



# of Pepsi "the Cube" packs that open properly: none

Dulles Fuddruckers

While waiting for a flight in Dulles International Airport, I decided to have a quick lunch at Fuddruckers.

1) After ordering my burger, they gave me a pager. I would think that one place you wouldn't want to wait for your meal would be the airport. What an odd place for a Fuddruckers.

2) I noticed that the plastic forks were encased in plastic wrap, apparently to keep them sanitary, but the knives were bare. Both utensils touch your food. What gives?

Here You Go, Have Some Free AIR With That...

I need to buy a new computer, (I'll rant about my old piece of crap computer another day), so I've been shopping around. One thing that really irritates me is how the computer vendors advertise included software as a product FEATURE. Take, for example, this actual clip from a Costco Dell Computer listing...

Additional Software:

• McAfee SecurityCenter with anti-virus, anti-spyware, firewall, 30 day trial
  
• Adobe® Acrobat® Reader
• Roxio Creator Basic

Well, you can dowload a free 30 day trial of McAfee SecurityCenter from McAfee directly, so that's not a real feature. Adobe Acrobat Reader is also available free online. In fact, in both cases you are probably better off going straight to the web because the version offered there will be more up-to-date.

Roxio Creator Basic, is by far, the most nefarious of the offerings because it's not something you can get for free (as far as I can tell). It's just a crippled version meant to entice you to purchase the full version of the software.

That's just the stuff they advertise. I know that once I get the computer, I will have to remove a ton of additional bloatware. I do not need an icon to sign up for Vonage, thank you very much.

Page-a-Day Calendar

I just cracked open my 2009 Zen Buddhism Page-a-Day calendar.  I was not surprised to find that they have cheated me out of 17% of my purchase by combining Saturdays and Sundays on to a single page.  To which I say, DAMN YOU TO HELL, ZEN BUDDHIST CALENDAR!!

In case you missed the irony, the calendar is not having the desired calming effect.

This really makes me want to smash something into a million pieces.

Conflicts

Dear Microsoft Outlook,

Thank you for letting me know that the appointment I am creating conflicts with another appointment in my calendar.  

You did a lot of hard work to figure out that I have another appointment at the same time.  Since you've already done all that work, do you think maybe you could tell me WHICH APPOINTMENT IT CONFLICTS WITH?  I know it's fun to keep things to yourself, but it would really be helpful for me to know.

Love,

Conflicted in Virginia

Leave My Freakin' Software Alone

Enough with the software updates already. In these days of everything being connected to the internet, vendors are quick to push updates on us frequently, and it drives me nuts. Here are some of the worst annoyances.

Comcast Cable Box / DVR - Comcast feels the need to update the firmware on my cable box every other month or so. This happens transparently and the only clue I have that it happens is when I press a button on my remote and something completely unexpected happens. Not once have I ever felt like one of these updates improved the service. If anything, it usually makes things worse. Features that I used to be able to access with one button press are now buried three buttons deep. Just stop messing with it already.

Microsoft Windows - This one is too obvious. The amount of updates and reboots is simply ridiculous. I'd rather MS just bundle all the updates into one monthly download than mutliple downloads in a single week. Also, I thought Vista was supposed to be more secure? Why do I need security updates every other day AND suffer through those annoying UAC (User Account Control) pop-ups? One or the other must go.

Firefox - Most Mozillaphiles rave about the ability to use add-ons to customize the browser, but few talk about the ensuing update mania. Even if you only use a handful of add-ons, the browser will nag you every few days to perform some kind of update. Yeah, you can opt-out of automatic updates, and live without them, so I suppose this is only half as annoying as the other examples.

We Told You So

A long time ago, we ranted about Microsoft's licensing practices for XBOX accessories. For those of you playing the game Rock Band using the bundled wired guitar, this is what one blog says about that:

On wired and wireless guitars
It’s no surprise that Microsoft asks for quite a bit of pocket change to use their proprietary wireless technology, and rather than pay the price and have the two next-gen versions sell at different price points, Harmonix decided the best thing they could do for consumers was to decide against wireless Xbox 360 guitars.

Guest Rant: Football

Every so often, I read a rant that speaks to my sentiments. Here is a rant worthy of appearing on R&RoT:

Football Playoffs

Alumni Associations

It seems like the only contact I get anymore from my High School and Fraternity alumni associations is postcards or e-mail asking me to purchase an alumni directory, or call an 800 number to make important updates to my information in the directory.  And by the way, now that my important information is updated, would I like to pre-order an exclusive copy of the directory?

These directories might be useful if I had a hobby of sending Christmas cards to the old addresses of people I met once at a party in 1989.

To reflect this frustration graphically, I created the following chart and posted it on GraphJam:

Grocery Circulars

Above is a picture of two flyers we received on the same day from the same grocery store (Bloom).

Notice the quite different prices for the same items - steak, apples.  Similar differences are found throughout the flyer.  Some items offer 50% off in one version, 1/2 off in the other.  Other items are $2.99 in one, and 3 for $9 in the other.  And on and on.

Only upon close inspection did we realize that one was for our local store and one was for the store in the next town over.  (Good news, our local one was the one with the cheaper prices).

1. It is annoying to think as a society that we are wasting so much time putting together all of these different flyers for different target audiences

2. I actually went to Giant one time to get something on sale, and got charged a higher amount at the register.  When I complained to the store manager, they showed me the price in the sales flyer.  Only when I got home did I figure out that the ads I had looked at were not for my local store.

This really wilts my bloom.

Were They Drunk When They Came Up With That?

The fact that companies that sell alcohol require you to enter your birthdate before allowing you to enter their website has got to be one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. Is this really required by law? Why on earth do you have to be of legal drinking age to visit a website about alcohol? I'm pretty sure you can't get intoxicated just by visiting a website. Perhaps they also need to check ID's when you go to a store that sells alcohol...because you can SEE alcohol there too. All this policy really does is act like a nuisance barrier to all visitors.

And, to be frank, I know several underage people who actually know how to circumvent this brilliant security measure.

Bad Software Updaters

I really hate online software updaters that REQUIRE the original installation disc to continue. Do these software developers understand people at all? At home, I have to look through stacks of CD's trying to remember where I put original installer. At work, I have to go find the IT guy who keeps the install discs. In each case, it's a major hassle. MAKE YOUR UPDATER WORK WITHOUT THE ORIGINAL DISC. Sheesh.

Companies that routinely practice this annoyace include...

1) Microsoft (duh)
2) Adobe (as pictured above)

Coffee News

Here's a real picture of an item I saw in a small paper called "Coffee News":

My first thought is that I hope the descendants of Einstein hunt down these Coffee News people and sue them for using his picture.  (Side note: was Einstein reknown for his great memory?)

Second, I am not challenging my friends to remember ads for tanning salons, chiropractors, and dog groomers.

I am afraid to see what challenges they come up with in the next issue.  Perhaps "See How Much Money You Can Sneak Into The Cash Register" or "Test How Many Telemarketers You Can Give Your Phone Number To".

XP Icon Annoyance is Wearing Out My Patience

I like to arrange the icons on my desktop in a certain way (typically with application shortcuts on the left and document shortcuts on the right). To keep the icons where I put them, I check "align to grid" and uncheck "autoarrange".

Well, there is this quirk in Windows XP. After months and months of living with it, it's really starting to piss me off. The quirk is that desktop icons move around the desktop after a reboot or relogin (and, in a Sisyphean effort, I move them back). The strangest part is that not all icons move. Just some.

At first I thought it was just me, but I've searched the web and found countless others complaining about the same problem. It seems that nobody has a good solution. There are basically two camps:

Camp #1: These people tell you how to fix the problem you don't have. "Oh, this is easy to fix, just right click your destkop and uncheck "autoarrange". Um, that's not the fracking problem! This answer is sometimes provided even when it is cleary stated in the problem that autoarrange is not checked. Grr.

Camp #2: These people tell you to install a 3rd party application that can save/restore icon positions on the desktop. While, technically, this probably works, I am not going to risk a 3rd party utility of unknown origin just to keep my icons happily aligned.

How about Microsoft just tuck a fix for this into the next patch?

Headlamp Headache

You know those SUV's with annoyingly bright headlamps? I am afraid to admit that I have a vehicle with those. I'm sorry if I have disturbed you. I hope this makes you feel better. One of my headlamps has blown out. The cost to repair: $450! Ouch.

Who is the dumbass engineer that decided these headlamps are a good idea?


That gives me a headlamp headache!

Convenient Adultery

I found this sponsored advertisement on MySpace for married-fling.com. Please don't click on the link, I don't endorse this website. It's probably chock full of viruses, etc. as well.

This site is just what you'd imagine it would be. It is a web dating site for bored married people "looking for extramarital fun". I don't know which is sadder, the fact that a company is trying to profit from adultery, or the fact that they can.

Brushing in the Dark

Recently I did the environmentally friendly thing and replaced all my incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescents. Sure, they cost a lot more, but they last a long time and they'll save money in the long run. The packaging on GE's "Energy Smart" bulbs promises that they will last 5 years and save $59, thus recouping my extra expense and then some.

Well, after only a few months, this is what my bathroom lights look like:


Oh well, as long as the other ones last a while, I think I still come out ahead.

Rave: Predictably Irrational

Predictably Irrational, by Dan Ariely, is an excellent book to read to learn about "behavioral economics". Many of our rants on this blog deal with similar issues discussed in this book, especially regarding what we have tagged as consumer apathy, marketing and pricing. It turns out that, as consumers, we really do make bad decisions... and businesses KNOW how to MANIPULATE us. Unfortunately, the author suggests that we will make the same mistakes even if we are shown the truth. He uses the example of optical illusions, which still baffle us even when know they are illusions.

I strive to prove the author wrong. I try to make informed and smart purchasing decisions. And this blog will continue to rant about these subjects and point out the illusions as we see them.

One example of how this book helped me to better understand these matters concerns a living room furniture set I purchased a few years ago. I found the process of shopping for furniture to be very frustrating (though ultimately, I only ranted about the delivery service). It was frustrating because, I had no idea what the furniture "should" cost. Why does one sofa cost $1000 more than another? Which will last longer? Which has better quality? Why does the salesperson remind me of a used car salesman?

The book explains that consumers are often very bad at determining what things "should" cost, and are much better at making relative comparisons. I believe the furniture industry makes every attempt to eliminate our ability to make relative comparisons. How? I looked at many sofas at many different stores and I couldn't find the same sofa at two different furniture stores (disregarding chain stores, of course). If you can't find the same model at two different stores, you can't compare costs. And it is practically impossible to identify quality features to compare. In the end I picked the one that felt the most comfortable to sit in. I sure glad it didn't fall apart after 6 months.

High's Chimney Service

There are certain occupations where there are 1 or 2 critical actions that must be avoided at all costs. Here are a few examples:

Occupation	Never Do This
Night Watchman	Fall asleep
Carpet Cleaner	Damage the carpet
Cashier	Steal money or Insult Customer
Landscaper	Kill flowers
Chimney Sweep	Track dirt onto carpet

With regard to this last item, we regretfully must report that we had someone from High's Chimney Service in Gaithersburg, MD come to inspect our chimney, and he tracked soot all over the nice carpet in our family room. Shame on you, High's Chimney Service, for not properly training your staff on the most critical item to avoid.

Now it is time to hunt around for a carpet cleaning service. Hopefully they will consult the table above before coming.

Et Tu Amazon?

Sometimes Amazon.com offers such a truly great price that they can't show it to you at first. It's against the law. Or, perhaps they just want to build suspense, like a good Stephen King novel. Frankly, any time a vendor has a price with a slash going through it, I roll my eyes. I know they're trying to pull a fast one on me.

I wonder how much I'm gonna save on the $249.99 list price?



64 cents? What the frak, Amazon? That's a 0.2% discount. It would be better to have NO DISCOUNT than one that reflects so poorly on your business practices.

Skiers Must Be D-umb

We've ranted about pricing schemes in the past and we will continue to do so. Here's one from Blue Knob Ski Resort located in Pennsylvania:

Apparently they must think skiers are not that bright. The adult price is $309.00, no matter how you look at it. It is devious to post a separate "processing fee" unless it doesn't always apply. I'm surprised they bothered to put the cents in, and didn't just make the price $299.99.